


The stars, the clouds and you

by PinkLotus (EspurrsVena)



Category: JO1 (Japan Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, I don't even know myself what I've wrote here, It's Kawakawa - period, M/M, Stars, Takumi centered, canon AU, no beta we die like real men, other members mentioned - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:41:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26857627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EspurrsVena/pseuds/PinkLotus
Summary: The stars mean a lot to Takumi but sometimes clouds hide them. For a time Ren seems like one of those clouds in Takumi's life, but eventually he realises the truth.
Relationships: Kawanishi Takumi/Kawashiri Ren
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	The stars, the clouds and you

People always wondered why Takumi was so passionate about his star agenda. So often he mentioned the little lightbulbs in the sky that some people start to think of it was some running gag. But little did they know. They didn’t know the reason why the stars meant so much too him. They didn’t know the truth. It was so much more than a running gag. 

Because the stars were the thing that he reminded him of so many things, of so many people that left. Each time he looked at the stars, he remembered them. Without them he wouldn’t be where he was now. He wanted everyone to remember them and he wanted to be remembered by them, too. Only when he looked at the stars, he felt connected with them. 

Sometimes, he wondered why it was the stars that made him feel connected with everything. Was it because of that fateful night when he first gazed at them? Or was it the fact that he could only look at them in secret, when it was dark and no one around him? Just like his connections to the past only existed in the dark now. 

Naturally, you couldn’t always see the stars. There were times when clouds hid them and sometimes those clouds existed in Takumi’s life, too. He wanted to chase them away, yet he was a mere mortal without powers. All he could do was to wait for the clouds to disappear – or to reveal their true form. 

At first, Takumi believed that clouds could only appear or disappear. He dragged their appearance and waited for their disappearance, yet eventually he realised that the world wasn’t as black and white as he thought. Actually, he didn’t realise it on his own. Someone taught him that. Someone who had the same colour as a cloud. 

After everything had passed and Takumi had settled into his new role as an idol, he craved the support and advice of certain people. Yet they were unreachable and he was on his own in some way. He got have gotten those things somewhere else, yes, but in that moment his mind reacted like the one of a child. He wanted the thing that he couldn’t have. 

During one of their early meetings his mind reacted the worst – and made him nearly destroy something precious.   
They agreed to get along but the tension between them was still high. “If anyone has problems with adjusting, please come to me or Ren or Ruki. We will help you.”, Sho said. The advice was reasonable. Those three were the oldest and most experienced ones among them. But Takumi’s heart refused that. He didn’t want their help.   
His irritation only got worse when Ren pulled him aside later. “Takumi, what’s wrong? I can see you struggling, but you never say anything.” 

The silver haired one was right and Takumi didn’t like that for some reason. He and Ren had been somewhat close during the program. To his surprise the experienced dancer had taken a liking into him and helped him with his struggles, yet for Takumi he was more like a bar to compare himself. Now that they were finally at the same level, it irritated him that the other one still seemed like that he didn't see him as his equal. “It’s none of your business.” 

That was the day when Ren became one of his clouds. His presence hid his stars because each time he wanted to see them, it was just the dancer who appeared. His presence became a nuisance.   
And the worst part… Ren didn’t realise it at all. Everyone always claimed that the dancer was good in reading people, but he seemed to be unable to read Takumi.   
He didn’t see that Takumi hated to be called cute by him. He didn’t see that Takumi didn’t need his affection. He didn’t see that Takumi didn’t need him. 

It wasn’t like Takumi hated him or the other members. He actually got along well with Keigo and Junki for example. They were a handful, yes, but their presence didn’t feel as demanding as Ren’s one. Still, something was missing. When the pink haired one was troubled, they managed to distract him, yet they were no help in overcoming his troubles. He didn’t blame them for that. Junki’s positiveness and Keigo’s fooling around weren’t bad traits, but they weren’t the thing that he needed. 

Eventually, he let Ren’s talking become his background noise. He tried to not to let himself be bothered with it. Excluding times when he had to pay attention to the other one of course. He was a cloud that wouldn’t disappear and Takumi tried to live with that.   
However, in reality Takumi was a cloud himself. Both for himself and for Ren.   
It took him awhile to realise that. It was nearly too late when he realised the truth. 

They had a meeting about their second single and it was announced that Ren would be the center. It was to be expected but what triggered Takumi was the title of the single: Stargazer. He was the stargazer among the members. He was the one who kept looking for the stars. The silver haired one had taken that from him. Once again he became a cloud for Takumi – at least he thought so. 

The circumstances made preparing for the single hard. They had to practise social distancing, thus for the time being they practised dancing alone. In hope of being left alone Takumi usually practised last.   
So, on that day, too, he was the last one to use the practise room. Yet when he was about to enter the room, he heard someone crying inside. He had no idea who had the schedule before him, hence he went inside to comfort that person. 

To his surprise it was Ren who was crying. It was rare for the older one to cry, thus the sight shocked Takumi. But even when he saw that it was Ren who was crying, he didn’t have the heart to leave again. Normally, the other one was optimistic and nothing could bring him down for long, but in that moment, he was simply… pitiful. Takumi couldn’t help but take him into his arms. 

“Takkun?” Besides Takumi distancing himself from him, Ren had picked up that nickname for him. The younger one had no idea why. He pushed other one away all the time, yet Ren still carried some affection for him.   
“What happened? Why are you crying?”   
“It’s nothing. I’m okay.” It was an obvious lie. He never cried like that. 

“You are not. Tell me what’s going on.”   
“I don’t want to bother you. I will let you practise now.” The silver haired one wanted to leave, yet Takumi continued to hold him. “You don’t have you.”   
“But I want to.” 

And then Ren started to sputter. The pressure of being the center, to be the one who has to coordinate the dancing and the whole situation waged heavily on him. “They should have let Mame stay the center. I can’t attract people; I can only push them away.”   
The words didn’t make sense in Takumi’s mind. They were the right opposite of who Ren actually was. “Ren, you placed 2nd in the final. You attracted a lot of people.”   
“Everyone but the person who I thought to be my best friend. He hates me.” 

That statement confused the pink haired one even more. Did Junki and Ren had a fight? The last time he had seen them together everything seemed fine. “I’m sure it’s gonna be fine soon.”   
“Does that mean you forgive me? For whatever mistake I’ve made?” 

That was the moment when Takumi realised that Ren had noticed his irritation. He had noticed that Takumi had distanced from him. He had noticed that Takumi was mad at him for some reason. And the whole time he had tried to fix it in some way. And now, the pink haired one didn’t even know anymore why he had been so irritated by him. He just had gotten used to that feeling was the only explination his mind offered him. “No, there is nothing to forgive.”, he answered truthfully. 

Yet it didn't have the expected effect. Instead it made the older one crumble again. “Please, Takkun. Let me fix whatever I did wrong.”   
“You can’t do that. Because you never did anything wrong, I was just unreasonable.” He finally realised that and seeing Ren like that was what opened his eyes finally. “Initially everything was just too much for me and I became irritated and then for some reason I blamed you for that. Eventually I just became used to that I guess.”   
“I saw that and I just wanted to help you. No one but me from your circle made it and I thought I could help you in their place.” 

In that moment Takumi realised that Ren wasn’t a cloud. No, he was the moon who was watching over him. The cloud that had bothered him all the time had been himself. His own discomfort had caused him to lose the sight of his stars and in the meantime not only he but also his friend suffered. “I’m sorry.” 

They stayed a little longer together and finally Takumi managed to talk about his feelings with the other one. It felt weird and good at the same time. Also, finally some heavy feeling inside of him disappeared. More tears were shed and no dancing was practised but it was okay for that day. Still, the period had changed something between them. He could feel it, but he couldn't describe it.

Thus, it took some time until they found their new dynamic. Honestly speaking, Ren’s role didn’t change much. He was still his unofficial fanclub president but Takumi finally felt more comfortable around him now. He started to tease the older one and for the first time in awhile he laughed freely in his presence. 

The Stargazer promotion period passed in a blur. It wasn’t bad, no, besides the circumstances it was much more enjoyable than their first promotion. He wanted to perform live in front of an actual audience but otherwise everyone’s dynamic had improved, so it was fun anyway. Still, from time to time Takumi felt insecure and anxious. Yet finally he finally brought himself to talk to Ren. Back in the days, the pink haired one never approached him for advice – Ren had always offered it on the spot - and the part inside of Takumi that thought of the older one as a rival had refused to go voluntarily. It was still difficult – old habits die hard – but the younger one worked on himself. 

Furthermore, each time he appeared on Ren’s door or they ended up in Sho’s room at the same time, the silver haired one seemed so happy about it that it managed to lift Takumi’s mood already.   
Looking back it made his own reaction even more unreasonable. Which eventually let him to apologise to Ren once again, but the older one just smiled at him and said: “It’s alright. I’m glad to have you back.” 

Hence, it was no surprise when the next release was announced, Ren was the first one to congratulate him on becoming the center. Barely a minute had passed after their manager had sent the announcement into the group chat when the silver haired appeared on his door with a cake in his hands. 

“How? What?” Takumi himself was still flabbergasted by the announcement. Never he had expected to be the center for their first album. It was a position worth for Ren or Issei but not for someone like him.   
“I knew it.” Meanwhile Ren seemed to be more excited than after his own center announcement. In some way it reminded him of a situation nearly a year ago when Ren had made him center for the group battle. It had felt as unreal as now back then. He was only one of two members of their group without any experience, but the older one had chosen him exactly for that position. 

Barely in time Takumi could take the cake and place it somewhere safe, before Ren pulled him into a tight hug. Besides the fact that the dancer barely had any arm muscles, the hug nearly crushed the pink haired one. But unexceptionally he didn’t mind it. It made him feel safe. “How did you know?” 

“It was super easy. When the manager said that he had a big announcement regarding the new release, I knew it would be your center turn.” As always Ren was confident about his analysation skills.   
“But what if -”   
“It was obvious, Takkun.” Ren’s bright laughing made a little smile appear on Takumi’s face, too. “But in the impossible case that I had been wrong, I would have eaten the cake alone and no one would have known.” 

“Well, then I’m glad that you are right, so that I get some cake.”, Takumi replied with a smile. They broke the hug and the pink haired one retrieved the cake. “Let’s eat it together.”   
“In your room?”   
“No way. Let’s go to the roof.” If Ren hadn’t asked, he might have let the other one into his room finally, but his reaction to be denied the entry once more was just too funny.   
“Wait, let me get a blanket for us. It’s cold outside.” 

For a moment their ways parted. Ren went back to his room to grab a blanket and some pillows to sit on for them and Takumi got some tableware for the cake. It also gave him the chance to take a closer look at his gift.   
The cake Ren had bought for him was a black forest cake and with chocolate sprinkles there was written "Congratulations on becoming center, Takkun" on it.   
Soon they met at the roof anew. Surprisingly, Ren had been much faster than him and had prepared a comfortable sitting place already. “Did you plan that too?”   
“No, I hoped that we would celebrate in your room.” 

Autumn had started already. Thus, the night was clear but cold. The blanket was welcome just like Ren’s warm body. The cake, the view and the person with him – the moment couldn’t be more perfect. Yet there was some anxiety inside of Takumi. Being center was a lot of pressure. There had been a time already when he nearly crumbled under it and he had seen both Ren and Issei struggling with that role. “Ren, will you help me again?” 

“Always.” Carefully, not that anyone of them would drop their piece of cake, Ren pulled the shorter one closer. “You won’t be lonely in the center. I’ll be here for you. Keigo will be here for you. Junki and all other members, too. We want that your star shines brightly.”   
“So, you are not jealous that your era was so short?”   
“Why would I? I’m finally living my dream and the song I was center for was written by someone I used to work for. It was perfect as it was and now it’s your turn.” 

It was unreal sometimes how understanding Ren was. He had forgiven him his monthlong shitty behaviour and once again he was his biggest supporter for the center position. Once more it made Takumi realised that the other one wasn’t a cloud nor a star. Both of them were something unreachable. He also wasn’t the moon who quietly watched over him. No, Ren was something closer. He was like the blanket, keeping him warm and safe from the harsh environment they lived in. “Thank you.” 

“You are always welcome.” There was Ren’s gentle smile again, but there were also some tears on his face.   
“Why are you crying?” Soothingly the younger one whipped those tears away. “Are you really fine with everything?”   
“I am. I’m just so happy for you. First you gave up your dream, but then you took that last chance and now it’s your time to shine finally.” 

This man was pure mystery for Takumi. Instead of being happy for his own achievements, he was happier for Takumi’s ones. I didn’t made sense at all, but that was just Ren. “You are truly Kawashiri Hen.”   
“Maybe I am. But I truly look forward to see you as a center again.”   
“And I look forward to have you on my side then again.” 

Takumi snuggled himself closer to the older one who in turn laid his arms around him, so Takumi was nearly sitting on his lap. It made the pink haired one feel safe in one way or another.  
Just because they were finally equal, it didn’t mean he didn’t need Ren anymore. No, the clouds in his mind had hidden the true meaning the other one had for him. The whole time Ren was the one who helped him to reach his stars and kept him save.   
And now they looked to the stars together and looked forward to the day, they will meet them again.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> Here is my usual "They announced a new release, I have no idea about the concept but I'm writing RenKumi anyway" AU.  
> Kawashiri Hen is btw a joke from jamming. Hen means weird in Japanese.  
> Is everyone as excited as me about the album release? I'm still trying to figure out how to afford everything lol Job hunting is hard  
> In the meanwhile I will just continue to write... So What will be next. Hopefully  
> See you~


End file.
